The Declaration

That's it, neighbors, we've had enough. Oh, that's right, you can act innocent all you want, but let's face it, we've been on rough terms for awhile now.

When we first moved into this complex, everything was hunky-dory. The Upstairs family (fondly referred to as "Brian Upstairs, Rebekah Upstairs, and Mirachehll Upstairs") spoiled us with their invitations to barbecues, softball games, and friendly conversation. Even though Brian Upstairs was a military man and apologized for dropping weights on the floor, Rebekah Upstairs admitted weighing over 200 lbs, had narcolepsy, and apologized for sometimes passing out walking down the hallway, and Mirachehll apologized for practicing her cheerleading moves day and night, we rarely heard anything. Andrew Nextdoor and Tristian Nextdoor would throw lavish parties (many we did not go to as we did not fit the "same sex couple" requirement). Even though there were many apologies for the crazy antics of their friends, the heated debates over how to cook, and their Rock Band obsession, not a peep escaped through that wall unless they were hanging a picture.

To the New Neighbors Nextdoor, you are exempt from this declaration. Even though your children scream loudly and often enough for us to believe you are beating them within an inch of their lives, we respect that you are having a rough time as a married couple and that you are trying to shield your children from that (sorry, the walls are thin and we can hear the arguments you hold in the bathroom next to ours).

Now, new Upstairs family, this declaration is directed toward you. There are 2 of you and a dog that clearly exceeds the 60 pound limit allowed by our complex. The first few times we heard you through the floor, I believed that you could not possibly know how the sound was carrying through. The day that you played the music for 4 hours loud enough to elicit complaints from all apartments in this building was the first time I tried to talk to you about our conflicting viewpoints. I calmly explained that I was sure you were not doing it on purpose, but that the sound carried through the floor more than you knew, and could you please keep it down (I am, after all, a graduate student in her last semester). I should have seen it coming when it took the apartment complex calling you to pay any attention to that request.

Since then, I believe it has become a game for you. Late at night, early in the morning, the noise is always there. I have attempted to go through proper channels: talking to you, calling to "verify" the quiet hour policy when you played fetch with your dog until 1145 every night (quiet hours are from 10-7, but the complex does not follow through with anything until after 12), and calling to complain when you began to drop heavy objects on the floor every morning at 530. Let's take, for instance, the day that I was at home sick, trying to sleep in our bed with earplugs in (earplugs that are suggested for use on the shooting range, btw). When I could hear you through those, I sluggishly made my way up the stairs to request more consideration on your behalf, again starting with "I know you are probably not even aware this is happening, but..." The answer to my request was made clear the instant I laid back down and heard you stomping on the floor, as if to get snow off your shoes.

The final straw, however, came this weekend, after we had a wonderful evening with friends (thanks Carrie and Joe!), and at 7:05 am I awoke to you vacuuming, rearranging your furniture, and playing a game with your dog that made him bark and growl.

This declaration is a Declaration of War. I had a list made up of all the strategies to be implemented as well as a list of where/when our strikes would happen, but then remembered something about a pledge to follow the National Association of Social Workers Code of Ethics upon admission to graduate school. I am pretty certain harm or death to 1 or more of the members of that apartment is against the NASW Code of Ethics, so I promptly crossed out the first 6 of my ideas... but that doesn't mean that we're done. I will find other ideas. I will. Now that you have decided to fight dirty (seriously, DROPPING things on the floor at 530 AM?!) and the complex will not do anything about it but send letters requesting we be curteous to our neighbors, we are going to have to take this into our own hands. Beware, Upstairs neighbors, beware . . .

Valentine's Day

"How Do I Love Thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being an ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the Breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."

Elizabeth Barret Browning

First, I just want to let you know neither of us is hoping God chooses to love each other better after death, it just happens to be one of my favorite poems. Secondly, I want to let you know that this is the first poem I ever tried to memorize (besides the "Roses are red" gimmick). This is the first year I have been able to recite it. Thirdly, it TOTALLY beats the "love" poem I received from one of the kids I worked with three years ago: "Violets are blue, and Roses are red. I'm glad you come to see me, even though I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, and I'm glad you're not dead (most days)." Ah, he was a character. And with ringing endorsements like that, who wouldn't love working with him?! :)

Well, as you may have guessed, the day of LUUUURVE just passed us by. Many of you have been questioning us as to what we did to celebrate this holiday. It was a fun and all too short day for us, really. I had to work during the day (it's good to note in the restaurant biz that it's more typically mistresses during the day and wives at night, so plan to work your tables accordingly to get the biggest amounts of tips possible), and right after work I met up with Jaye to pick up my dress from David's Bridal. May God bless the woman who helped me try on my dress, check every bead and seam, and pull every piece of lint and fuzz from it's beauty (it took us a lot longer in David's than I had ever thought it would... I definitely feel like I had my first official [and hopefully last] Bridezilla moment).

Jeff and I finished the evening in true Valentine's Day style: We ate a delicious homecooked dinner of steak and butternut squash over a bouquet of roses (Jeff is quite the cook), drank some wine, exchanged jewelry, played some Wii, and ate Andre's chocolates. Also exchanged were cards saying mushy stuff like "Your dreams are now my dreams, fiance, they are now OUR dreams" and "When I see old people walking and holding hands, after all those years and all those experiences together, I can't wait for it to be us with a lifetime of love behind it." We also added a photo frame to our new end table with the words "When two people fall in love, the whole world can see it" (I'm assuming it's supposed to hold a picture of us... the picture of the people in the frame currently freak me out and I don't know why they are in a frame in our home).

Overall, I feel like we definitely went back into the "Bubble" we had created for ourselves over the Engaged Encounters weekend, the "Bubble" where the outside world doesn't exist and it is only us in the moment. It was absolutely, wonderously perfect in every way.

Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day!!

The good, the bad and the not so restful weekend

This past weekend, Heather and I attended the Catholic Engaged Encounter Weekend retreat as per instruction from the priest that is going to marry us. At first, I was very skeptical. I don't know exactly what I thought it would be. Suffice it to say that my vision of it was more like a dimly-lit room, a blackboard with "Marriage: It's a sacrament" scrawled on it, a few couples with name tags on sitting in a circle, a coffee machine percolating away on a beat up folding table in a corner and a priest pacing back and forth as he told us what marriage should mean to us.

This was not what this weekend was about. This weekend was about so much more than I ever could have realized. The situation I described above is so off-base that I should be committed for thinking such dreary thoughts.  I should probably be committed anyway, but more on that in another post. On with the information.

The retreat ran from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. It was at Savior of the World seminary in Wyandotte County (over by the Speedway). There were no priests there. There were three couples running the weekend. The first couple was married for one year. They didn't present any of the sections as they were mostly there in a support capacity. The second couple had been married for eight years and had two children. The third couple had been married for 41 years and had children and grandchildren. The two couples with the most marriage experience led the topic discussions.

There were about 70 couples there on the retreat. Some were young and a few were older, but most were around there mid-to-late twenties and early thirties.

Men and women are separated into dormitories. Everybody has a roommate. I stayed with Heather's roommate's fiancé.

The retreat starts immediately after check-in. All couples report to the discussion area where the two lead couples sit on a raised platform at the front of the room. The cadence of the sections is as follows: ~20 minutes presentation, ~20 minutes personal reflection where you write your thoughts in a notebook away from your fiancé and then ~20 minutes for you and your fiancé to trade notebooks in private and discuss what you wrote. Couples are encouraged to be honest. After all, that is what marriage should be about. Right?

The first night, there are three sections. The topics were an introduction to the weekend and two sections on your personal view of yourself and your fiancé. We started at 8 and ended at 11. We were told we would be woke up the next morning at 6:45, so we all retired pretty early.

Chapter 3
True to their word from the previous night, they woke us up to the clattering of the bell that they used to signal the end of private discussion time. Man, is that bell deceptively loud! I should get an alarm clock with that bell on it. Wait. No. That would be an extremely bad idea for my walls.

Sections started after breakfast. The curriculum for the morning included three sections on communication and one on the couple being one with each other and God. Lunch came next and then after that, you got it, more sections! These were the awkward sections for some of us. The intimacy talk came up (physical, sexual, emotional and otherwise) as well as morality, decision making and Natural Family Planning. The intimacy section would not have been as awkward, I think, if the older couple had not used so many slang terms. The section about NFP was very short and heart-wrenching as the couple presenting the section could not conceive but desperately wanted a family and blamed the pill for their inability to do so. Tough stuff.

After we ate supper, we had one more section, a QA section full of questions that the couples had written and a prayer service featuring one of the most beautiful prayers I think that I have every prayed. After the service, most people went to be while some stayed up to finish the questions that didn't get answered before the prayer service. For those of you still reading, bless you. Saturday was a long day. How long? Well, I was up at 6:45 and went to bed at around 2:15. INTENSE!

Chapter 8
Sunday morning came early with the bell ringing at 7. We ate breakfast and got started on the last five or six sessions. Some of these sessions broke rank and lasted 30 minutes and some lasted an hour and a half. The most important one was the Betrothal section. In this section, you get to write a love letter to your partner and express to them what they mean to them after experiencing this weekend with them. I think that our letters to each other are so beautiful and well-written that we will be reading them at our wedding. We cried when reading them to each other. It was truly and wonderful experience. To button up the weekend, there was a mass and then a graduation ceremony. Heather got to practice walking across the stage... er, church to get a diploma... er, certificate of completion. I think KU's graduation might be a little different.

I will say that throughout the weekend, Heather and I learned a lot about what marriage is in the Catholic church, we hardened what it means in our hearts and minds and we have a better focus on our future together. We learned about what it means to be life-giving in our marriage and what that means on so many levels. Also, we learned how to make a budget. That alone is worth the price of admission. I joke!

It is not all easy stuff though. Since Heather and I communicate rather effectively (amazingly so), we found the sections easy to navigate. For others, it was considerably harder, and some couples did not make it through the weekend.

We hope all is well with you and yours, and that this post finds you happy and healthy.

End of the week "meetings," smokey pool halls and football

Hello, world.  I thought that I would keep this post short and sweet.

First, the updates.  I finally got a hold of a person at the travel agency and they told me that since I was using flyer miles and hotel points that I had to book all of the arrangements myself (rather, the person who owned the points had to book all arrangements).  News to me.  News to Heather.  Not news to any person who has ever had enough points and miles to actually use them.  Lesson learned, and I'm all about learning lessons people.

Heather and I both had stressful weeks at our respective jobs.  Stressful for Heather because she is in her final semester of graduate school, is planning a wedding and has a fiance who admittedly fails to clean up after himself from time to time.  Hey, none of us are perfect, least of all me.

Me... Well let us all just say that in these stressful, uncertain economic times, those of us that are still gainfully employed should be very thankful.  I tend to stress about things that are way outside the bounds of my control (as if I could somehow stress enough to swing them my way...HA!).  I'm kind of an idiot that way.  Today I found out that I have no need to worry as my company is doing very well and continues to do well.  That means that I no longer need to worry about my end of the market at least.  YAY!

Now for the fun stuff and really the whole reason that you read this blog.  Emoticons: I was going to put the cheesy smiley face there but I don't know the key strokes to make one so imagine there is one there anyway.

Friday night, Heather went out with the ladies and I went out with the boys from work for a "team meeting".  Usually, the next morning after the "team meeting", I wake up with a headache, a sore throat and quite a few dollars lighter in the bank account.  Not so for this night (thankfully).  I went home early and so did Heather.  We were asleep by 11 PM.

Saturday, Heather worked in the pit of Hell and was let go early because they were slow.  We hung out the rest of the day.  We washed Heather's car (it's BLUE!) and we ran some errands that were of no particular importance.  In the evening, we met my uncle John and his girlfriend Chris at a local pool hall in Shawnee.  The atmosphere was smokey.  My pool game was on and so was Heather's.  We left early to get some sleep.  In bed by 10:30 PM.

Sunday, Heather worked until 4:30 PM while I played video games...er, while I washed my car (it's BLACK!) and went to the "grocery store."  We had been invited to go over to Adam and Amanda's house for the Superbowl.  We went and had a wonderful time (Popeye's chicken is the schiznit).  We left after the game was done.  In bed by 11 PM.

That was the week and the weekend.  Hope you all had a better one.  If you didn't, I hope that you get a good one soon.  Hang in there, we're all in this thing together.

TTFN <-- I understand what this means.  I don't have to like it.