Officially Employed

Yesterday morning I accepted an offer for a position as an in-home therapist. :)

This is GREAT news!!! Even better news is that once the job starts, I will have medical insurance, vision insurance, and dental!!! AND even better I will be able to help with groceries, bills, and rent! Yippee! :)

It all happened pretty quickly. I was offered the position on Friday and accepted yesterday morning. Because the job is through a hospital, they require a pre-employment physical. I arrived the same day for said physical and received quite the surprise. Yes, friends, gone are the physicals of yesteryear where the Dr simply checks your vitals, bones, joints, and then has you bend over to make sure there is no curvature of the spine. Today's pre-employment "physicals" hoisted me into shock as I was patted down, inspected, and measured.

First, because my wearing glasses was not proof enough that I need glasses, I had to pass rigorous vision tests. Next came the measuring of me. Apparently my BMI is crucial to my work ability. Finally came the part that still makes me break out in anxious sweat: the pee test.

It's not so much the pee test that freaked me out. It is what happened surrounding the pee test. Ok, first, she patted me down. PATTED ME DOWN. Had me remove everything from my body that was removable and locked it up. Gave me the key. Asked me to pull up my pants to my knees or the top of my socks, whichever was higher. Ok. Done, no problem. Next, she gave me a quick tutorial on the cup with the built in temperature gauge should I try to use someone else's pee (the gauge was, of course, located mid cup which certainly allowed NO ROOM for mistakes, if you know what I mean ladies).

So she shows me to the bathroom, sprays blue dye all over, yada yada, turns off the water, blah blah, tells me she will be standing by the door when I am finished, yada yada .... wait, what? That's right. She would be standing right next to the door WHILE I WAS GOING to LISTEN and make sure I wasn't trying to "cheat the system." NOT COOL NOT COOL NOT COOL!!! The "accuracy cup" (as I like to call it) wasn't bad enough, now this lady was going to listen to me pee???

My anxiety kicked into overdrive. Needless to say, some pee anxiety hit and it took me a lot longer in the bathroom than anticipated. Furthermore, her anticipatory throat clears (her attempts to make me hurry or her attempts to remind me that she was there...???) did not help the situation and I'm fairly certain only served to make me look like more of an idiot.

However, I got through the day, managed to get lost TWICE on the way to the main campus location to sign papers, and called it a day!!! WOOHOO for employment!!!!!!!!!!! :)