Thursday, July 29, 2010


Well, guys, here's something that's been keeping my time quite occupied.

My clinical supervisor asked me awhile back (read: about a month ago) to take my Clinical Licensure Exam. I immediately dived in to the intense studying, often working many hours a day and coming home to study until it was time for bed. The reason for the time crunch is that this exam was only available for me to take until the end of this month; due to changing regulations, I would need to wait until the end of my clinical supervision (around 2 years) to be eligible once again to take this exam.

Jeff, bless his heart, was patient and understanding, even though we came to a mutual decision that THIS SUCKED!

Flash forward to this morning: I set off, confident, towards the exam center. As I drove toward the testing location, I had plenty of time to mentally review key points of my studies (thank you, road construction). A pan-handler in the parking lot threw off my concentration some, but I was still determined to pass this test.

As the test began, I quickly realized the questions were MUCH harder than I had studied and prepared for. My confidence began to wane the farther I went into the exam. Per exam software, I was able to "flag" questions I was unsure of the answer to and that I wanted to go back and review. At the end of 170 questions (and 2 hours), I had flagged all but 12. As I began to go back through the questions, my confidence continued to decline and my anxiety began to increase. I had passed the practice test offered online (for a fee) and the knowledge of this is probably what helped me to stay in that room. I went through the flagged questions, and another hour had passed. I only had 1 hour left. Now the number of questions remaining flagged totaled around 20. As the timer continued to count down the minutes, sheer panic overtook me. My eyes were beginning to cross and tears were beginning to form.

Finally, with 10 minutes left (and the timer now blinking red), I sat staring at not more questions, but at a button on the screen asking me if I was sure I was finished. Was I? Did I get enough correct? The last month of intense review, hours with my family lost, and the fear of admitting failure to those dearest to me weighed on me like concrete blocks. I kept asking myself: Was it all enough???

I clicked the button, as mentally prepared as I was ever going to be. In a terrifying moment where I began to second guess my answers and wanted to go back, the screen changed. A testing location survey appeared in front of me. I laughed as tears rolled down my face. A short reprieve while I answered the survey questions. Again, I had to summon the courage to state I was finished with the survey questions and ready to see the test results. A lump formed in my throat and my body became weak as I clicked "Yes, I am ready."

So, was it enough??? Did I pass??? Stay tuned for the next episode of this crazy rollercoaster ride, same Bat time, same Bat channel!!!

JUST KIDDING!!! I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

YAY FOR YOU!!! Of course if you had sked me, I would have told you that I knew you would pass the whole time! Love you guys!