Ashli, with an "i"

Dear friends, it is with great regret that I am passing along this particular piece of wisdom.

1. Never, EVER trust a girl named Ashli... especially if her name is spelled with an "i"... AND ESPECIALLY if the "i" is dotted with a heart.

As some of you may have figured out, I am the Matron of Honor (I know, MATRON?! It sounds SO OLD!) for a wedding near the beginning of May. I had the great fortune of trying on my dress the same weekend of the shower. It looks GREAT! (... it's even LOOSE! WOO HOO!) :) There was, however, a moment of despair when I looked at myself in the mirror and realized my farmer's tan from the past 4 years was still visible with the cut of the dress. This was the moment I decided to sign up for tanning sessions at a local tannery.

Ashli, with an "i," dotted with a heart, did her best to sell me on the various packages. The best thing to helping me that was described? The "high pressured, no-burn guaranteed bed"... which the tannery was having a sale on. It spoke right to my heart. She assured me that she would be there the next day as I purchased the package and had my first burn free tan.

Now, I know fake baking is bad for you. Trust me, I get it. But do you know what else is bad for you? I can recall the images of every single girl in a bridesmaids dress that had tan lines or an improperly fitting dress I have ever seen. Evil versus evil. I only fake bake for certain occasions, and spread it years apart. Tanning = lesser evil, trust me.

I went back in the next day to meet *sigh* Ashli, with an "i," dotted with a heart, and she was nowhere to be found. Her... um... enthusiastic? co-worker assured me that the bed was indeed high pressured, no-burn guaranteed, and on sale. The total was slightly higher than hers, and even the manager when summoned agreed with me that Ashli, with an "i," dotted with a heart, has no basic math skills.

My first experience with the bed was pleasant. I was worried about burning, especially after I got in and had to consciously suppress the remembered aroma of vinegar haunting my childhood memories.

As a kid, I liked to be outside. My skin does not agree with the sun or allow sunblock to form an actual "block," and many sunburns were so severe that vinegar was used to lessen pain. As a direct result, I can remember being the "stinky kid" that nobody wanted to be seen with and had no idea they were so stinky or that nobody wanted to play with them. These realizations have come to me as an adult, and I look back at that time with fondness, so make no mistake that I am and have always been happy with my childhood. :)

My second experience was today. Ashli, with an "i," dotted with a heart, was present, and set the bed for me. She also led me to a different bed, farther in the back, and gave me instructions. After setting the timer for TWENTY FOUR MINUTES (yes, TWENTY FOUR MINUTES) and assuring me that this was a low time for new beginners in this particular bed, she left me to my demise.

The word of the day is "sunburn," my friends. Closely following that is "I knew I shouldn't have trust that b*tch at the tanning place."

Needless to say, I now have reason to refuse service (and/or RUN) from anyone named Ashli, with an "i," dotted with a heart, forever more.

Hope all is well with you and yours. :)