Wednesday, March 25, 2009


While many believe that Ray Stevens is the only person who could make "The Streak" famous, I was recently privy to witnessing someone attempt their own claim to fame in this area. While I believe their attempt was not successful (but who am I to judge?), it became very apparent to me that this would not be an evening I would soon forget.

Grandpa Sheldon and I were at the nursing home trying to swindle some ladies out of their retirements... er, trying to win a few games of Dominoes. The ladies we were playing with were making sure that we were earning each point and victory, and trust me when I say they were not making it easy for Grandpa to play. There was also another man in the large meeting room talking on the phone. He had an injured hand (it looked like he used a scar kit from Halloween) and was waiting for the nurse to re-bandage it.

That's when I heard it: The man's breathing changed and his voice rose several decibels. "No, I uh, I gotta go. Right now, I gotta go. Yeah yeah I'll call you back, I gotta go!" In the next breath, with barely a pause, "STREEEEEEAKER!!!!"

Heads spun around, and that's when I saw a sight I will never forget. A woman was walking through the room in nothing but her Depends. The Depends were, as one of the Domino women put it, "not the freshest pair a person could wear and looked ready for a change." Also, please understand that when I say "walk," what I really mean is "push her walker inch by inch through the room at the pace only a turtle would find comfortable." Never fear, though, as this pace allowed the image to be permanently imprinted into my mind.

To make matters worse, I looked around in shock to see the reactions of those around me. The women were laughing and fanning themselves, Grandpa Sheldon was craning his neck to see around me, smiling bigger than I've seen in a long time, and the other gentleman... Well... Every time I looked over at him, he put his hand near his mouth and pretended to eat from his wound.

I was speechless, stunned even. The ladies allowed Grandpa a few moments to appreciate and stare, and then resumed the game as though nothing had happened. They did inform me, however, that this is a regular occurrence and I should visit more often.

Next time I do, I'll make sure to bring a change of Depends should I inadvertantly become an extra in the re-enactment of a Ray Stevens video again. :)


Anonymous said...

BWAAAA HAAAA! HAAAAA HAAAA HAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU ARE FIRGGIN HILARIOUS! too funny! That reminds me of the time I was volunteering at a home for the retired mentally disturbed. It is almost as good.

Jamie said...

SHUT UP...seriously, shut your freaking face...I CANNOT believe this. I love old people, they're so much better than little kids.

Bean and Doo said...

LOL--this is TOO funny. Thanks for sharing. The imagery is one that I will not forget.